Letting Go
by Lastsyns
Summary: <html><head></head>This is a collection of short stories where the Doctor tells people goodbye. Some have been all ready posted here, but I will be adding to it.</html>
1. The Town Called Christmas

It was strange when he thought of everyone he had lost over the years and why, he had lost them. You didn't live to be two thousand years old without losing someone you loved or just cared about. There were deaths that had affected him more then others. The death of Adric had haunted him for years, while with River it seemed as she never left him, not really. Even as he sat in the chair in the building that had become his home he could see her sitting nearby. He never would though, he would only listen to her and take comfort in the fact she hadn't left him.

Of all the people he had lost through out the years though, it was his mother that he missed the most. It was his mother who had held him as a child and loved him, even when his father had shunned him. It was his mother who he had returned to Gallifrey time and time again just to see. And it was his mother who had given him the strength to send the Time Lords back into the war, letting Earth remain. It was also his mother that he planned to see first and begged for forgiveness from. She would forgive him, just like she had always done in the past.

He was going to die soon. In a town called Christmas, far away from the TARDIS that had become his home and the the Earth which he had adopted as his own. He would never see London or Gallifrey again and perhaps that was for the best. At least in this city he would die among those who saw him as a hero and not a monster who destroyed his own people. When he was regenerating from his tenth to eleventh body, he had looked back at all those who had touched his life. Perhaps now it was time to finally tell them goodbye.


	2. Susan

Of every one the Doctor had ever known and every single on of his companions, it was his beloved Susan that he missed the most. His first granddaughter from his third son, he had loved her more then anything from the first time he held her. Indeed they had a unique bond where as most Time Lords studied to better themselves and the planet, they had loved to run together. It was her that he took with him when he finally decided to leave Gallifrey. Though she was barely 16 and had only spent eight years in the academy, he took her away from the formal teachings and to a life among the stars.

It was because he took her away, that she loved and laughed with the innocence of a child far longer then the Academy allowed. It was also during his time with her that he learned to drive the TARDIS and that the TARDIS adventures were never what they planned but they had fun. Her innocence and wanting to go to an Earth school caused him to take on his first human companions, Ian and Barbara. Eventually though he felt dragging her around time and space was selfish and he left her to marry and live on Earth with a family.

She lived on the Earth many years and adopted three children of her own before having a fourth that was her only biological child, Alex. Alex though was only born with one heart and never allowed to join the Time Lord Academy. He had plans to one day travel with Alex but it was never meant to be as his life was cut short during a Dalek attack. He couldn't handle it and made the wrong decision, leaving Susan to cope with her son's death on her own.

They drifted apart after that and though he still saw her on occasion she never fully forgave him for leaving her behind. But he watched her do wonders on her own and help Earth as she became its council member. He still remembered the last time he had seen Susan. She had stood on the steps of the once glass domed citadel, beckoning him to take her hand.

"Are you coming Grandfather," she had asked.

"I will be with you shortly." He had replied. He watched her go into the the citadel before turning and heading to his TARDIS. He all ready knew the decision the council was going to make. He had decided there would be no more killing though and planned to soon join her in the darkness.


	3. Amy

Amy had come to him at a time when he never thought he would travel with a companion again. He had thought he had ruined all of his other companions lives and so as his previous body died, he checked on every single one of them one last time. He was amazed to find that they had lived on most of them happily enough. Though when he had crashed the TARDIS in to the yard of the little red head girl, he never imagined that she would be a companion to him.

He had promised that she would be able to go on a trip in the TARDIS with him. He had never brought a child so young before, but a child's laughter was just what he needed to hear after the dark days of his last regeneration. Fate would have another opinion and rather then gaining a young daughter, he instead gained a friend. Though she would flirt with him, he would never look at her as more then that. And in the end she would only ever have eyes for Rory.

Because the one person who Amy really wanted to be with was Rory. He would break his own rule of no domestics for her and the three of them set out in all of time and space together. It was also because of Amy and Rory's love that he would have his wife River. The fact that she was the daughter of his beloved companion just made it that much easier to love her. Amy though had been taken too soon from him in the graveyard by the weeping angels. He begged her not to go, pleaded with her to stay with him, but she had chosen Rory, once again. He knew that Amy would always choose Rory over him, still it had hurt to see her disappear in front of his eyes.

Just like all the rest of his companions, he never forgot Amy. Even as hundreds of years passed around him, he still thought of her. It was when he regeneration was near though that he saw her one last time. He heard Amy's laughter as she ran around the TARDIS as a child. Something that he regretted never actually happened. That was just one more promise that he had broken to her. Yet hearing her laughter and imaging what could have been made him smile. Unlike his previous regeneration this one he was ready for and he smiled as she Amy approached him one last time.

"Raggedy Man, goodnight," She told him. For it was this body's time to sleep and time for a new man to step forth and take them home.


	4. River

He hated endings. It didn't matter what kind of ending it was, he avoided it at all cost. He tore out the last page of a book, dropped off a companion and traveled alone to have more time or he just didn't stop to think about what he had lost. He had once gone back and visited every single companion to find out what had happened to them, but that was the old him. In this body he had ran from them and avoided them for as long as he had the power to run.

With River though, he had know how it was going to end before it even began and yet he had still fallen in love with her. He had tried to avoid it, but she made him feel loved and wanted. She knew just what to say to cheer him up and he found himself flirting with her. He would scold himself later that night in the mirror but time and time again he returned to her prison cell just to run with her. He happily thought of her as his wife, yet he dreaded the day she had to return to the library and give him the final ending that he had always known would be there.

It was as he stood on her grave that the ending became real. He had never been given the chance to bury her body, as it had been vaporized in the library. The same library her beautiful mind was alive in. The same library that was the vashta nerada's hunting ground. Her ending wasn't final but as long as they roamed the library he would never be able to get her out.

So he lived on with her memories. He told her he always saw her and that he always listened, which was true. Not just for this night but every night prior. He had listened to her as she told him to stop traveling alone. He listened as she told him he could trust Clara. She had comforted him after the parasitic sun had absorbed his memories and left him feeling weaker than he would admit to Clara. He had never replied to her during that time but took comfort in the fact that she was always with him. That night though he couldn't ignore her anymore. As mush as he didn't want to it was time to finally let her go. He looked her deep in the eyes as he held her wrist. Not caring what the others would think he had leaned in and kissed her as he had been longing to do so the night of the Towers.

Everyone had an ending and it was time for theirs. Still knowing this he couldn't tell her goodbye. She didn't want a goodbye but a proof that he had loved her and that he was going to come back to her. He smiled as he told her he would see her around. For within his hearts she would always be there.


	5. His Daughter

As he pulled himself soaking wet and tired, up the side of the TARDIS, his breath caught in his throat for a moment as he looked at the little girl with red hair standing in front of him. He had to remind himself that this was Earth and that he hadn't somehow landed in the past on Gallifrey. The little girl standing in her wellies bore a striking resemblance to his own daughter. His beloved child that he had lost so very long ago. It was one of the main reason that he had always wanted to be ginger with each regeneration. He wanted to feel a connection to the daughter that he had never seen grow up.

She was his youngest child and the only one that was born to his second wife on Gallifrey. From the first time he held her in his arms, he had loved her more then anything. She was a strong willed child and it was for her that he took and unfortunately failed the TARDIS driving test the first time. He didn't give up though, he wanted to give her a future traveling among the stars. That future was taken away from both of them when she was six.

Chen Seven, better know as the one day plague had been brought to Gallifrey. Whole cities were affected, one of which she had been on a trip to with her mother when the virus struck. He hadn't even been able to comfort her as she lay dying in her mother's arms. Chen Seven stopped the ability for Time Lords to regenerate so all he could do was watch and cry as she slipped away from him. Later facilities would be developed where time was slowed down so that the victim of Chen Seven could grow old, but he never had that kindness. Instead he had wondered countless times over the years what she would have been like had she grown up.

He stared down at the little one in front of him. She was watching him with wide curious eyes. Even though he had just fallen out of the sky, she wasn't afraid of him and her attitude made him smile. He had never considered taking a child with him before but she had no parents and he couldn't leave her alone. He had screwed up badly though. He didn't take into account that the TARDIS was still repairing herself and it took twelve years for him to return. She was as feisty as ever and he still wanted to take her with him. A quick jump to the moon and two years later he landed in her yard once more. He stood by the TARDIS and waited for now grown child to come out. He wanted to travel with her and show her everything he couldn't show his own daughter. They had both waited long enough.


	6. Donna

"I was going to be with you forever," It was one of the last things she had said to him before he placed his fingers on her temples, pushing his way into her mind and locking himself away from her forever. As he did so though he could see the time lines rearranging and everything that should have been destroyed in that one moment.

He ran with her through along pure white beaches and under moonlit nights. Neither one of them ever wanting more from each other then the company and friendship they received. He watched her laughter as they finally made it to the planet of hats. She filled one section of his wardrobe with hats that neither one of them were ever going to wear. He let her though, complaining good-humoredly just because it made her laugh.

He held her and cried with her as she lost her grandfather of old age. He sat beside her at the funeral looking on as they buried the man he would have been proud to call his father. On nights when Donna missed him more then anything, the two of them would land on his hill and gaze up at the stars together. Then they would laugh as Donna shared stories of him.

It would be almost a year after her mother passed when by some strange circumstances they met up with her long lost Lee. He made an exception to his, "I don't do domestics," and Lee traveled with them. Never giving her the twins they had in their shared dream, but instead giving her years of joy and happiness. He was taken to soon though and left her alone once more. The fight the Doctor had always loved about Donna would be lost for awhile, but she would gain it back over time.

Old age would finally come to Donna and he would offer to take her home to Chiswick to leave out her life. Donna to the end would be stubborn though and refuse. Her life was aboard the TARDIS and she was still going to stay with him forever. Forever though would pass quickly as he sat beside her bed and held her hand as she took her final breath. One last time he would return to Chiswick and bury her in the graveyard next to her grandfather and mother.

Releasing her temples she fainted into his arms and he held her tightly to him. Telling his friend goodbye before he returned her to her ordinary life as a temp. The walls of the TARDIS would still echo with what could have been, but in the end even that would just be a memory.


	7. Jack

Jack was one companion that would have been be his side, if only he had asked. Jack would not have asked questions but would have stayed by his side in the almost endless night of Christmas. Jack was the one companion that he could have always trusted to never leave him through death but he was also one of the companions that he pushed away.

It wasn't fair to say that Jack was wrong, but that was exactly what he had told him as they saved the refugees. He had told Jack he was wrong, not for what he had said, but because of the way he felt. He should have told Jack that he was unique and strange to his Time Lord senses. It was something that he would regret over and over in the long year that they had spent together aboard the valiant. During that year, he spent a lot of time, laying by Jack's feet, recovering from each new injury the Master had inflicted upon him. The Master knew Jack cared about him and had taken great pleasure in making sure that Jack saw all the pain that he went through.

After the year was up, he asked Jack to travel again with him. Though Jack had said no, that wasn't the last time he saw Jack. He looked after Jack and even sent Alonzo to be with Jack. He couldn't help Jack with the 456 though and he knew that Jack resented him for not saving Ianto. Though things became strained between them, whenever he called on Jack, he was there. Together while Amy slept, Jack and him had saved countless people.

Why he didn't ask Jack to come and help him save the town of Christmas, was simple. He didn't want to know the truth. In the town of Christmas you were unable to lie and of all the people he had hurt Jack was one who needed answers. Though Jack had never pushed for them he knew that during the long nights the questions would come and here there would be no escaping them. Jack would want to know if he was loved and the Doctor had to admit in his own way he did love Jack. It would complicate things between them and he wasn't ready for that. He knew that he was going to die on this planet and he didn't want Jack to wait for the regeneration that wasn't going to come.

No, it was better for Jack to move on. Jack was a fighter and Jack was stronger then he realized. The light that surrounded him as the face of Boe had been nothing short of beautiful. The conman he had met during WWII was gone and even through all his pain and suffering, with his last breath Jack would do good in the universe. Yet he had called him wrong.


	8. Christmas Interlude

The people of the city were singing again and he paused in his reminiscing to listen to them. The day here was only for a few minutes at a time and the people gathered to welcome it. They rejoiced in the light that took over the ever lasting night that was there lives. The sun marked a beginning of a new day for them and each day that passed brought hope that the war would end soon. Though the Doctor longed for it to end and the people to be safe he also knew that even with his death, they never would be. The Time Lords had chosen this last crack in the universe to communicate and unless that crack was closed people would still come.

His body was weary with the years he had spent fighting and the choices he had to make. He could hear them waiting on the other side of the crack in the wall for him to speak his name, yet the consequences of doing so were to great. He longed to tell them they could return and rush to the planet to see his family, but by doing so the Time War would be sparked once more. How many more Time Lords would have to die before they tried to end the universe once more? He wouldn't live long enough to stop them for he was destined to die on this planet. His tomb would stand at the top of the small hill he had built his life on.

Standing up, he grabbed his cane and walked slowly towards the balcony to feel the sun on his face. How he missed the double suns that once had woke him each morning. Yet as he looked out on the small town, a lit by the sunlight once more, he remembered why he was here. He wasn't fighting this war for himself but to keep the people below alive. The first generation he had met on this planet had long since passed and everyone now, he had watch grow and thrive in the night. He had learned their culture and taught the songs and dances from others. He would protect them with his last breath for this place was now his home.

As the light faded he made his way back to his chair by the fire. He wasn't ready to die yet. He still had a lot of people to say goodbye to.


	9. Martha

Martha came to him in a time that he needed her the most. He was still wandering but he was lost without Rose and Donna had been right, he needed someone. Unfortunately for Martha that had been her. She didn't deserve how he had treated her. She had tried to be a friend to him but time and time again he pushed her away rather then accepting her help. It was easier that way, but not fair to her. Even on that dark day in New, New York, when he realized he didn't even know anything about her, he did nothing to put it right.

Still she had stayed with him. She had stayed when no one else would have and had been stronger for it. She had walked the Earth for him enduring horrors that he would never know. The fact that she survived the entire year proved her strength. He had tried to make things right between them afterwards but it was never going to be. Instead she left him, not that he really blamed her, they all left him in the end. He still watched her from afar though, more then most of his other companions.

He got her the job at UNIT, she deserved it and UNIT agreed. Though when she helped Jack at Torchwood, she began to realize that UNIT wasn't for her. The final straw came with the key that would destroy the world. Still freelancing with Mickey the idiot. She married Mickey and the last he had heard they had just welcomed their second child, another boy. She was happy and marrying Mickey wasn't the worst mistake that she could have made. No that mistake had been when she first saw him standing in the alleyway and he offered her one trip as a thank you. She should have said no, turned and ran away from the man in the long brown coat standing outside the impossible box. Instead she said yes, just like they always did. He wondered if the scars he had caused her would ever truly heal.


End file.
